Hush your dirty mouth girl!

When I was a kid swearing was a big no-no in our house. My mum's mouth would pucker and her chins wobble if she heard even the most innocuous of words. Result was I was too timid to say any out loud. There were a few said in my head but she couldn't hear those, right? Didn't stop me feeling naughty though.

Now, luckily, she was mellowed. Her chins might still wobble but she'll use the odd 'bugger' when the situation calls for it. In fact, she rather loves a 'bugger.' She thinks she's being naughty. I think she sounds like Captain Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean and his, 'Oh bugger.'

It was just as well that she relented because I learnt to swear. Oh boy, did I ever learn to swear. For a few years I worked in a very, VERY tough part of London, doing a very tough job with tough people from all around the world.

I learnt a whole new world of swear words. I was there for about a year before a colleague told me what one particular word meant. I stormed out to deal with the man who called me it, even though everyone had warned me he could be very aggressive. I needn't have worried. I was really indignant; he was really confused because I'd suddenly reacted after so long. He looked at me perplexed, shook his head, said I was 'bonkers' and walked away away.

I embraced lots of swear words and use them way too much. But then it seemed everyone I knew had little kids and I was always surrounded. No swear words. Not even in another language. I accidentally taught a friends 5 year old daughter a naughty word. How was I to know she'd pick up Spanish that easily!

So I made up my own swear words. It's amazing just how nasty 'you pilchard' can sound if you say it vehemently enough. And yet my mum's 'bugger' is still sweet.

Here in England we have some great swear words from an innocuous twat, through wanker to a full on fuck. But it's all in the way you say them. My best friend and I routinely call each other silly cow or sill moo. But it's done with love and humour and we both know it.

Now I don't use the harsh words as much, but I do love a good 'prat' or 'twat.' There's also something to be said for 'bollock' – said in the right way, of course!

How about you, do you cuss?