Is it okay to post a few rambling thoughts?

I’ve been away from the internet because my dad and sister are both very ill and there’s only me and my 83 year old mum taking care of them.  I’ve been so swamped I don’t get time to think, let alone go online, and I really, really miss it.

Then there’s the problem of what to say. I’m tired of saying ‘I’m tired’. It bores me so it must bore everyone else.

I’m tired of saying they’re still poorly. But they are still poorly and that’s a good thing because the only alternative is they’re dead. For both of them there’s no ‘getting better.’ But they’re both  as well as can be hoped for at the moment. In fact my sister is doing way better than anyone expected. According to our GP’s prediction she should be dead now, instead she’s going shopping for the day.

Nothing stops her shopping!

And me? I’m feeling a bit isolated and cut off from the word. I’m tired and…. Tired of waiting for something to happen. That sounds awful and makes me feel awful for thinking it but, at New Year, I’d expected the worst by now and nothing much has happened. I’m feeling a bit of a fraud. I’m not sure if that’s the right word. I’m extremely, tremendously pleased that they are both okay but I feel a fraud for making such a fuss. Or maybe for being melodramatic.

Hey ho.

My darling editor lost her husband to cancer very recently. He had been ill for years and I don’t know how she did it. How she kept going and kept cheerful. Sue, honey, you have my upmost respect, you really do.